Discipline without direction does equal drudgery! I’ve severely cut-off my extracurricular music enjoyment the past few days with seemingly no spiritual returns. It’s true: following rules and doing “spiritual” things isn’t always an accurate measure of growth or heart change. Though there have been more pockets in my life the last few days of silence, that hasn’t meant that I’ve actually drawn near to God. I’ve just been quiet and sonically bored.
I can’t just be intentional half-way and only turn off the radio. I actually have to do the greater work of engaging with God and mentally stopping myself so that I can do so. For me, and many others I know, this part is the most difficult. So today I tried to engage with God more intentionally with my mind and heart but then I came across another hurdle: when God is silent.
I truly believe that if we want to hear from God we will. But I also know he doesn’t always speak to us according to our standards, in our timing, or in a way that is always easy to hear. When I asked God multiple times the past few days, “what do you want to say to me?” my question was usually followed by silence and then my frantic mind chasing down a myriad of questions I have and presenting them before God. My response has been one of needing to control, not of peace or rest or trust or silence. It’s very hard for me to just be silent and not bring my own laundry list before God. I love to talk to him—so much so that it’s often a one-way conversation: me talking God’s ear off. When I don’t take the time to just truly listen, it becomes increasingly more difficult to do so later on. This might be why I feel I don’t hear him reply right now or perhaps God wants to teach me something by his silence. But I can be sure there is a good reason for it.
Learning to be still and silent takes time. So, if you have found yourself frustrated this week in your own efforts, take heart—God walks with us as we learn and he’s ever patient! We have to practice these things and we have to be diligent.
Maybe for today the silence is enough and God wants me to trust him in it. To trust that he knows what he’s doing when he decides to speak to me and when he remains mysteriously silent. To trust that no matter what, he’s more concerned with our relationship than I am and that he knows what is best for me—even if that means not hearing from him now and even if not all my expectations are met in the moment.
It is so difficult to just shut uip and be silent. I to talk God’s ear off. A list of prayer requests and fears, or just genreal banter. Is it any wonder I can’t hear him.
But when I do, it’s the most loving calm voice you could imagine. I often don’t like what is said because it is truth in it’s purest form and it’s targeting places I don’t want to go or accept. But becoming real with God is the hardest challenge I face.
I am reminded that He never gives me more than I can bear, that He promises me a Hope and a Future that He is in CONTROL! Not me, not the circumstances I am in, not even our newly electe President, but God Almighty.
That is powerful, and let’s me rest in His comfort.
Today i intentionally tried to be quite for an hour. It came pretty easy for me. God was silent though and i did not feel like i heard anything in particular. It was pretty restful though, and i definatly had a sense of peace the whole time. It made me think of how much worth i put it doing things. It blows my mind to try to understand that God loves me completely as i am and not becuase of what i do. I love my job and probably work too much sometime but i get a lot of fullfillment out of what i do so to sit and do nothing and to be loved for it is pretty cool. So i started by saying God was quite during that hour and i still stand by that but in retrospect i did get something out ot it.
Abbi,
I agree that it is sometimes difficult to accept what we hear when we are silent. But I love how Nate talked about our silence and solitude being a time to recalibrate our hearts and minds with God. I’m so often in need of that and when I do let him in and listen, it usually turns out that all of my worries and bantering fall right into their proper places. I’m reminded of this passage that from Luke 10:40-42:
“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made… ‘Martha, Martha!’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.’”
I love this passage because it’s a reminder to me (I’m so much like Martha) to relax and bring my heart to Jesus. The words he gives us, the peace that passes understanding, and the wisdom “will not be taken away”.
Hi Hannah,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I love what you said about God loving you as you are not because of what you do. Whew! What a good reminder for us who live in a cultural that places far too much importance on achievement and productivity. I hope you continue to enjoy times of silence and stillness.
-Angie